This Valentine’s Day, focus on improving the most important relationship you will ever have, The relationship with yourself.
For most of us, we are our own worst enemy, our harshest critic. Unfortunately, the criticisms we give ourselves, (the voice in our head that tells us we aren’t good enough), can have a detrimental effect on our life and mental wellness. The harsh words we say to ourselves can prevent us from achieving our goals and enjoying the life we truly deserve.
Self-criticism can cause frequent feelings of low self-esteem, unhappiness, unworthiness of being loved, insignificant and stop us moving forward.
Here are a few steps you can take to turn this around.
1. Be mindful of the words you tell yourself.
The first step is noticing the words you tell yourself when you are not feeling good. ‘Listening to your inner critic’.
The act of simply noticing, gives you the power to start to question and change them. Most of these thoughts stem from the past, and if you asked yourself “Who’s voice is this?” You may find it’s a much younger version of you or even someone else.
I wonder what your inner critic looks like. Maybe just for fun, get a pen and paper or a drawing app on your phone and draw your inner critic. Make it look really funny! Any time the thoughts pop up, picture the inner critic, and even imagine chasing it away with a paintball gun!
2. Learn to change the Negative Thoughts in their tracks.
Byron Katie, a bestselling author, came up with 4 questions that when asked, could turn your negative thoughts around.
When an unhelpful thought comes through, ask yourself:
Is this negative thought true? Is it really 100% without a doubt true?
How does this thought make me feel?
How would I feel without this thought?
What is a true opposite of this thought?
For example: ‘Everybody hates me!
Is this true? Yes… (The inner critic tends to try and answer that one)
Is it absolutely 100% true without a doubt? Well no…
How do I feel with this thought? … Horrible…
How would I feel without it? … Good, I think?
What is a true opposite thought which could replace it? Well, some people like me?
Notice how the feeling changed?
As you can see from the example above, questioning the thoughts in your head can start to change the way you feel and think about yourself.
Try it out, you may be pleasantly surprised.
If your inner talk is something you really struggle with, reach out. Hypnotherapy is a great way to change the way you feel about yourself, and it works on why you got there in the first place. To book a free 15 min consult, click here.
To change the way you see yourself, and ‘Recognise your strengths – download and complete the Self Love Workbook’.